So, um... *sheepish look*

I just finished my first piece of fiction in a very long time. It's a piece of campaign fiction, covering the background of my character in the online TORG game a friend of mine started last week. Ended up about 12,000 words. I'm kinda proud of that; after spending years pre-reading my friends' stories, I think I've got a decent handle on prose and characterization, but I've never been able to come up with plots.

So... before I send it to the rest of the party, would anyone mind pre-reading it for me?

A bit of background on TORG, for those who aren't familiar:

TORG is an RPG setting where our Earth has been invaded by seven different other-dimensional realms, or cosms. Each cosm brings its own reality along with it, and transforms the areas it's conquered to match. So the British Isles and Scandinavia have been transformed into the Kingdom of Aysle, a high fantasy world with magic where tech beyond primitive gunpowder pistols simply doesn't work. France was conquered by the Cyberpapacy, where Catholicism has been digitized; the Indian subcontinent by Orrosh, a creepy realm of Victorian occult horror.

This story is set in the Nile Empire: a mix of WWII-era pulp adventure and Egyptian mythology, with a side of Mad Science. (Think Indiana Jones mixed with the Mummy.)

If you're interested, let me know in the comments!